Life with Cat

Standard

Early morning: you’ve been awake for under two minutes. You were awoken by a four-legged alarm clock going through a ritualistic bedroom dance that includes, but is not limited to:

  • Stomping on your stomach, chest, face, and anything else exposed and squishable.
  • Systematically knocking everything you own off the dresser.
  • Clawing at the bed like a mental patient seeking sunlight.
  • Tearing through the house singing the song of his people in the most hellish tone imaginable.
  • Breaking things. All the things. Basically anything not nailed down is toast.

Said creature then decides that in order for you to have the MOST effective wake up experience he should create a slalom course by weaving through your legs. If you pass this test of dexterity he judges your reflexes by hiding under furniture and then tearing wildly through your path, screaming if you should dare to step on his tail. Once through the gauntlet-like journey from your room you reach level two: The Bathroom Challenge. Firstly, doors may never be closed. If he is in he will want out. If he is out he will want in. Basically he just wants options. Once in you must fight him for sink rights. Hint: he’ll win. Every time. He would also like the water on (not too much mind you). If you fail to turn the water on he will return to morning ritual number two, only this time it will be everything on the counter that is relocating to the floor. He does this subtly, so your sleepy self will see it as an accident and simply pick up the falling items, then turn the water on because “he’s probably thirsty”. It’s all part of his master plan to condition you into unknowing obedience. I would like to note that at this point you’ve still not done anything productive for your day.

11755916_10155900060290584_6496813814597884424_n

Back when Spider was just a small fry…  

Once you have been tested on bathroom etiquette a la cat he turns his attention to food. He needs it now. Five minutes ago would have been better. It’s like he hasn’t seen food for a week. If you don’t immediately exit the bathroom and reach for the kibble you are dead to him. More correctly, he will be dead from malnutrition and come back and haunt you until you wish you were dead if you don’t put food in the bowl RIGHT MEOW. At least that’s how he sees it. At this point I deviate from the dictated schedule and do the unspeakable, I LET THE DOG OUT OF HIS CRATE. And then, unfeeling beast that I am, I take said animal outside to relieve himself. How dare I. Upon returning I can usually find the betrayed being perched on his table giving me a look that could melt titanium. Fearing for my safety while I sleep, I quietly fill the bowl and back away slowly. Now that his impending starvation has been staved off the feline resident has no more use for his human companions…until dinnertime.

12243319_10156299922520584_2597031672222354360_n

Cat selfie!

What?! Chesney was not featured in this post?! Well, everything is not always about him. But don’t tell him that or you’ll give him a complex. We love bother our fur babies equally, and while Spider prefers to be out of the limelight most of the time, occasionally he needs a moment (or blog post) as well. Plus I told him if he didn’t stop trying to trip me I would reveal his morning tirade to the world. He thought I was bluffing. Ha!

Advertisements

Fur Babies

Standard

What’s harder, dogs or kids? Now don’t get all torch and pitchfork on me, I’m not comparing child rearing and puppy parenting as equals, obviously birthing a child and rearing it from infancy until, well, forever is not in the same ballpark as adopting a little fur ball and naming her Fluffy. But society is changing as more couples opt for career over family and dual incomes are needed to support a desirable modern lifestyle. Thus the family dog has risen in stature to pseudo child for many the modern individual.

Doggy daycare, puppy spas, and pet hotels are popping up all over the place and let me tell you, they aren’t some overpriced gimmick designed to drawn in the rich and famous. Chesney now attends a doggy daycare (which he LOVES) twice a week where he gets to play all day, work on his manners, and have some oh-so-important socialization time with his peers. Sound familiar? There’s a screening process to be accepted, trial period, and dogs to daycare attendant ratio to abide by. Our pup has an emergency contact and “approved pickup person” list. This is not uncommon. In fact, the days of Fido sitting patiently by the door awaiting his owner’s return are waning.

There are classes available for all types of dogs and their many quirks including puppy preschool, courageous canines, manic manners, life skills, and, for the more athletic hound, agility, dance (I’m so not making this up), and a myriad of other outdoor sports. Your dog can carry or be carried in his very own backpack, ride in a car seat (Chesney totally has one, don’t judge me he loves it), go boating safely in a doggy-approved life vest, enjoy a windy car ride while wearing his sunglasses (I swear I’m not making this up…I saw it. I promise), and climb his own little staircase to your bed to sleep. The amount of gear one tiny 7 lbs. dog accumulates would shock and amaze (or maybe appall) you, and I’m not even as bad as I could be.

Ever looked at your Facebook feed and be inundated with images of your friend’s new puppy? Fluffy’s first car ride, her first day at the vet, her first puppy class, her first play-date…there seems to be an endless stream of puppy parenthood pride that comes from rearing a little biting barking ball of fury into a respectable doggy citizen and valued family member. Do you have that super annoying friend who incessantly refers to herself as “mommy” and her precious hound as her “baby”? What?! That annoying friend is me?! I can’t even argue. But I’m not alone! Our pets have become an extension of ourselves in a way, as we include them in our daily lives and ooo and ahhh over their triumphs. We as a group have begun to go beyond the simplistic owner/pet relationship and are driving a deeper meaning into what it truly means to be “man’s best friend”.

13895227_10157314444585584_298879903453107505_n

Helping Dad at work!

That’s it for my philosophical musings today puppy peeps! Check back soon for more pup-dates. Coming soon, Chesney reviews some canine products!!